Fear is a Teacher

For a long time I have tried to understand me. The way I am wired doesn’t help. I was always churning internally, always asking questions big and small. One of my roles has been that of a social scientist, studying Philosophy, Anthropology, Psychology. So understanding others fascinates me as well. External or internal, I am restless to know. Lately, the “great pause” of the pandemic has brought more of this to the surface, the stress that surrounds me amplifying that restlessness.

I have been working more. As a Mental Health Director, I directly supervise 25 therapists who handle over 500 individual cases. The staff and clients have understandably been overwhelmed in the last two months. At the core of their uncertainty is that primal fear sensation that paralyzes, confuses, and torments. Being scared produces anxious thoughts, seeing other’s scared compounds them and when that rises to levels we can no longer manage, we can easily fall apart.

I have had to learn new ways of dealing with being afraid. And although I am not starting from zero, the usual ways of coping with stress are no longer as effective. I know this when despite my best efforts fear seems to linger. So instead of fighting it, just pushing through it, or anxiously pretending it’s not there…I am listening to it. In the here and now, in the present as it arrives, I am meeting my fear. And it turns out fear is a teacher. And what it’s teaching me is how to find peace.